i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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