Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
