Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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