I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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