I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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