The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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