Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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