I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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