My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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