Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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