So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
