do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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