u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
