She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
