There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
