He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
