my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
