i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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