and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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