Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
