If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
