I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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