sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
