You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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