also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
