i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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