I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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