so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
