i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
