I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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