3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
