I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize