Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
