Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
