Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
