my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
