What a fucking waste of an outfit
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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