i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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