Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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