the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
