You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize