return my video game
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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