I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
