Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize