you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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