I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
