its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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