I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
