margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
