U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
