I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
