I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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