Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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