Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
