You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
