y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My cat gives me a boner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
