I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
