super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
