I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
