I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
