people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
