you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
