at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
